Piece's Of Choc

Heal with me - I forgive me For a long time I didn’t know I had to forgive in order to heal or get over things. I also didn’t know the main person I needed to forgive was myself. I took responsibility for my actions in situations but I didn’t forgive myself for being in those situations. I say that because I knew better than to do a lot of shit that I did. I knew when the time was up on certain things BUT I stayed anyway and basically hurt myself even more. After a while, I forgave myself. I wrote myself an apology because I deserved it. I needed to know why I did what I did and didn’t do. I needed to tell myself sorry for all the pain that was self inflicted majority of the time. I accepted my own apology and the apologies I never got from others. Thinking about it now though, people really don’t think they’re wrong sometimes and I know this to be true. We’re all humans so I guess that’s why they tell us to forgive and move on. And that goes for all types of relationships and fr

Heal with me - BUT we’re family Whew I had to have a drink to calm my mind for this one. I remember being young and going to my daddy house on the weekends and holidays. There was always gossiping and whispering that I didn’t understand because I was young. I always wondered what the big secret was. But what I wondered even more was why I couldn’t sit outside with my “uncle” or certain cousins. Why did my big cousin get popped for sitting on a family friend lap? Why? Nobody ever said why. They just said NO or DONT. YET they still had these people around us. When I got in my teenage years I started noticing things. Things like how my “cousins” didn’t seem to think we were cousins anymore all of a sudden. It’s crazy how that “daddy side /momma side” shit really works. My mother side is small like tiny compared to my dads side. And my dad side kinda consisted of two families . But no matter what, they were my cousins. They got bold on Facebook. A lot of older “cousins” still slide

How you feeling? Personally I think I’m okay but I’m not sure. I keep feeling like I’m forgetting to do something and it’s driving me crazy. You know what else is crazy? How I have these visions of doing new things. Like I want to try yoga. For some reason it’s constantly on my mind and I literally see myself doing it but I never put action behind the thoughts. But when I get up, I get up. I don’t like this so I’m changing it. I always talk about being my own boss but I have yet to really start running my business. I start then I stop and wallow in self pity. And it’s really sad because I know I’m powerful beyond measure. I know I can have literally everything I want and see in my dreams. It’s all about action and cutting the excuses. The present time is always the perfect time to start a new journey. Embark on it with faith and manifest every single step. You see, I have all the motivating words so I know I’m really standing in my own way. First thing first. I need to calm my mi

Heal with me - Everybody BUT ME? Have you ever been in a situation where it seemed like the guy wanted everybody but you? Did you stick around to find out if it was true or did you try to do extra things to get that attention from him? How did it make you feel I did a bit of both. I stuck around for way longer than I was suppose to and I tried to do a million extra things for him to love me the way I wanted him to. I went out of my way for three years and came out feeling less than every single time. There were days I starved so I could look like Wonder Woman and feed him. Do you think he ever did the same? Nope but I stayed. I stayed because the weak woman in me thought I needed him to be happy. I put my happiness in his hands and I learned the hard way that that isnt the way to go. I read something today that said that I have to admit how the situation made me feel and I realized that I never really have. Being in that situation made me feel like I wasnt enough, EVER. and it sho

Healing with me- a mini series I am my mothers child. My earliest childhood memory is me being super attached to both my parents. It really just depended on who I was with at the time. But since my sister and I lived with my mom, I was closer to her. I slept in her bed until I was like ten. I had my own bed but in the middle of the night I would literally get out of my bed and get in hers. Sometimes I was met by a locked door though so I couldn’t get in. Even after that I was still super close to my mom. From a young age I was told I had a smart mouth. Truth is I had my mothers mouth and that irked her from jump. I can only remember a handful of times that I was purposely disrespectful or talking smart but I assure you I wasn’t one of those kids that cussed their parents out. I knew my momma would run up on me if I tried that as a teen but it got frustrating when I got in my late teens. At this point it shouldn’t even have been considered talking smart, I would simply be respondin

Healing with me. “I don’t want kids, ima be that auntie” I lied.  Been up and down all night, meaning in and out of sleep. Last week it was because of my sciatic nerve pains and this week my partner has the same thing going on in his neck. As strong as men are pain is pain and it turns them into a baby quick. Imagine Taurus stubbornness mixed with baby. Yea uh huh. Lol whew.. but I had something else on my heart.  But first..Thank you to everyone who read my first entry of this mini series, and special thanks to those that commented. I’m all about interaction, I’m serious when I say HEAL WITH ME. If you can relate, comment and share, either will work.  Back to the subtitle. “I don’t want kids, ima be that auntie...” I lied.  I can’t recall a time in my life when I was super big on becoming a mom. Ya know like most little girls say they want kids but I can’t recall myself saying it. I might’ve, I wouldn’t doubt it bc I played with my cabbage patch dolls and I played “Hou

Healing with me I brought my old issues into my new relationship.  When my boyfriend and I were still in the talking stage, I told him everything like EVERYTHING. But the minute we got closer I kinda closed off. I didn’t do it intentionally but I just didn’t want to ruin what we were building by being too open. In my last situation, I couldn’t fully be open. I couldn’t express my feelings bc it was always too much. I couldn’t tell my entire truth because it didn’t fit into the box. So when I came into my new one, I made sure I didn’t do any of those things. Not realizing how much my current partner needed those parts of me to be visible. I showed him the parts that I wasn’t scared of showing. The parts that avoided conflict and just made us have “happy days” One thing I didn’t know is that I was hurting my new man. He has never made me feel anything less than secure but I still had a wall. One that I couldn’t explain until early one rising while lying in bed with my love.