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Heal with Me - Everybody BUT me

Heal with me - Everybody BUT ME? Have you ever been in a situation where it seemed like the guy wanted everybody but you? Did you stick around to find out if it was true or did you try to do extra things to get that attention from him? How did it make you feel I did a bit of both. I stuck around for way longer than I was suppose to and I tried to do a million extra things for him to love me the way I wanted him to. I went out of my way for three years and came out feeling less than every single time. There were days I starved so I could look like Wonder Woman and feed him. Do you think he ever did the same? Nope but I stayed. I stayed because the weak woman in me thought I needed him to be happy. I put my happiness in his hands and I learned the hard way that that isnt the way to go. I read something today that said that I have to admit how the situation made me feel and I realized that I never really have. Being in that situation made me feel like I wasnt enough, EVER. and it showed in every single part of my life. I felt like no matter what I did wasnt enough because I was never the chosen one (by him) and I only wanted him to choose me, nobody else mattered. The crazy thing is that from the very beginning he showed me his true colors.After our first interaction, a female called and texted me regarding him. That should've been the first and last straw and it was for a minute. But only because someone had my attention. Yes I was one of those. I was boy crazy, I wanted to be in a relationship so bad because thats what I thought I needed to be happy and it really made me learn love lessons the hard way. When you dont feel like you are enough sometimes, well most times you find yourself doing alot of extra shit to get attention. I agreed to things that never set well with me but I just knew that I would win his love for real. NEVER HAPPENED All that did was make him expect me to agree to more shit that was only pleasing to him at the end of the day. I agreed to a poly relationship. Now, I had no issue with exploring with my man but I never felt the security needed to be comfortable in that situation. I feel like in those relationships, your mate needs to know that they matter and no matter who you two decide to let in it shouldnt make either party feel inadeqate. I never felt secure. My gut always told me that there were other people and even after ponds of tears, it neveer changed. Everybody BUT ME I think I created my own misery in a few ways. Well I know I created my own misery. I literally knew better. But I thought my heart knew what was best for me but it was just the damaged talking. My damaged self esteem andd self confidence had me thinking that the one thing making me sick was the only thing to make me feel better. All I can do is be better and do better. I know better these days but the sucky part is that I did all the right shit for the most undeserving person and I cant seem to get it right with the most deserving man in my life. I pray for my own healiing so much because I know I deserve the King spirit has brought into my life. He doesnt make me feel anything less than a queen. He lets me know its all about me. Everyday he chooses me. I know I have it in me to be the best girlfriend ever and I just want him to know that nothing goes unseen and unnoticed. Thank you for choose ME over EVERYBODY IJS. --KTS

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