Heal with me - BUT we’re family!

Heal with me - BUT we’re family Whew I had to have a drink to calm my mind for this one. I remember being young and going to my daddy house on the weekends and holidays. There was always gossiping and whispering that I didn’t understand because I was young. I always wondered what the big secret was. But what I wondered even more was why I couldn’t sit outside with my “uncle” or certain cousins. Why did my big cousin get popped for sitting on a family friend lap? Why? Nobody ever said why. They just said NO or DONT. YET they still had these people around us. When I got in my teenage years I started noticing things. Things like how my “cousins” didn’t seem to think we were cousins anymore all of a sudden. It’s crazy how that “daddy side /momma side” shit really works. My mother side is small like tiny compared to my dads side. And my dad side kinda consisted of two families . But no matter what, they were my cousins. They got bold on Facebook. A lot of older “cousins” still slide in my inbox and act like there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing and I think it’s sick as fuckkkkk. I’ve ignored them for the most part but there was one time. I was at a family gathering and one of those COUSINS kept trying to talk to me. His opening line was “I remember when you was little” and idk I would think that isn’t a good opening line but he kept going and I kept walking away. Then he cornered me in the house when I was waiting for the bathroom and he told me how beautiful I was and he even walked up on me. The only thing that saved me in my mind was the fact that the door opened and I was able to rush inside and lock the door. I was flabbergasted and scared but it was coo cause my daddy was there . I thought telling my daddy would do something but it did nothing. My daddy broke my heart that day because I expected him to have my back. All he said was “ohhh you know he be drunk”. That’s when I realized I have to fight my own battles , even with men in my “family” Like I said, they try often and I always tell them the same thing! Like am I the only one who thinks it’s gross to seek out a young lady you watched grow up? But the icing on the cake happened earlier this year around my birthday. I was planning a trip to Vegas for my bday and invite a cousin. Our bdays are around the same time and we’d never celebrated together. So I thought this would be the perfect year. We talked about it for a few weeks and one night he hit me up to talk about it. While we were talking about the upcoming trip he told me he had something to tell me but was scared. Now this was a close relative and we talked about everything once upon a time so I didn’t know why he was scared. Until he sent the message. He told me that he still wanted to fuck me. I was shocked. I was like huh. Did you send that to the right person? Bc you know I’m your cousin right and we’re like real cousins. And his reply was simply “yes and that’s the part that sucks cause it’ll never happen” I was again flabbergasted but sick to my stomach more than everything. I kept reading the message like wait huh.. I’m lost. I immediately blocked him on all Social media because it really made me feel nasty. I didn’t know who to tell so I told my bestfren and it was hard telling her bc she and him use to mess around like literally right before that. I also told my sister but she immediately took up for him saying that he’s going thru stuff etc. I really couldn’t respect that bc 1. I’m your sister 2. I’m going through something now bc my cousin sexually harassed me. I felt how I felt when my dad did nothing at the family gathering. Like damn everybody think this is normal? The most hurtful part of it all is that he apologized to my bestfren but he’s never reached out to me to apologize. This is why I get so irritated when men who watched my grow up try to talk to me. It’s sick! Nothing about it sits right with me. None of it! I pray that it doesn’t happen to anybody else in my family but if it has , I am so sorry and you’re not alone! Ima stand for all of us cause I can take the shit that comes with speaking my mind and truth. And if you’re wondering, my kids won’t be around certain family members cause ELDERS DONT TELL SHIT! Break generational curses or get tf out the way. can you relate? comment share and like KTS